Remember last week when I shared moments of gratitude? Well right now I’m grateful for sand fly bites. Yup! Those annoying little red dots that make me look like a thirty-something with chicken pox. I’ve started this post the same day as A Moment of Gratitude although you won’t see if for a few more days.
Why do I lead with this strange thing to be grateful for? Because the woman who wrote that I must see to believe, full of apprehension, nervous energy and anxiety a few days back is feeling a little foolish. Filled with worst case scenarios, all-or-nothing thinking I was envisioning the worst this trip. Having to put on a fake smile to pretend that everything was alright, having to fake it to make it. Things have not been all sunshine, rainbows and magic unicorn poop by any means, but they haven’t been the awful terrible bad things I imagined. I haven’t been the horrible terrible person I anticipated.
Each day I remind myself that I only have to take it one day at a time, that I don’t have to perform like some trapeze artist flying high and spectacularly for the world to see. I lived today through a child’s eyes, spending quality time with my family in the baking sun just enjoying each moment as it came. Not allowing myself to worry about what was around each corner and what was to come. There were moments of anxiety and doubt, quite surely, but these lovely golden hair children reminded me of an innocence I have lost in this world. Minutes felt like hours, in a way that fills the day instead of robbing you blind of time.
Seeing the world anew as we rounded each corner, just having fun and enjoying where we were when we were there. This reminded me that as adults we build everything up to immeasurable heights, instead of seeing a large sand pile as a mountain and each bend in the road a new adventure. Life outside of our heads, outside of ourselves. There are truly remarkable moments in life that we all miss because we are to caught up in our own minds.
I’m victim to this thinking regularly, and I certainly don’t want anyone reading this to believe that I’m standing on some soap box preaching what must be done. Living outside your head is not an easy task, this I know, but I also know it’s not impossible. Try by just going with the unexpected flow one day, live on impulse and see where it takes you. Instead of your usual routine step outside your door and see what there is the world has to offer. Each day that passes I’m finding that it doesn’t take as much as I expected to live outside of my head.
Think of something you want to do but have always made an excuse to try later, at a more convenient time. I’m thinking small here, nothing too earth shattering or wallet emptying. Try something new and do your best to just live in that moment of newness. Enjoy life outside of yourself and your illness for just a few minutes of time. It’s addicting, and the more of it that I encounter the more I believe it’s necessary.
Surprisingly it took travelling across the country, far from my comfort zone for me to appreciate life and it’s intricacies. I’m hopeful it only takes stepping out of your front door for you to experience the same.
My Balancing Act 