Twenty Years

Twenty years of ups and down, of trying this, that and everything in between.

Of feeling not good enough, or weird, or different.

Twenty years of feeling invincible. Of looking in the mirror and completely embracing the Goddess that stands before me, with her dazzling smile and sparkling eyes.

Of being unable to look at the loser in the mirror, hating every fibre of her being, feeling like a waste of matter and oxygen.

Twenty years not knowing, no answers, just speculation and hope that tomorrow would be better.

Of a not better tomorrow.

Twenty years of great days and successes.

Of heartache, uncertainty and uncontrollable failures.

Twenty years of being completely in touch with my body and soul.

Of desperately willing my body to give me answers and feedback.

Twenty years of not caring what people think.

Of being paralyzed by the consideration of what people might think.

Twenty years of close friends and family, wonderful loves and great people in my life.

Of isolation by choice.

Twenty years of living life on my terms, how I want, when I want.

Of not being able to say no to myself, and often others, regardless the consequences to my wellbeing.

Twenty years of unknown.

Life is about balance, the good and the bad, the yin and the yang, the ebb and the flow. But I didn’t see it like that, which is why…

It took 20 years.